PART OF THE FAMILY (SERIES)Adoption into God’s family

“God loves you just the way you are, but He refuses to leave you that way. He wants you to be just like Jesus.” - Max Lucado

For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. Romans 8:29 NLT

Family is very important to God. He created angels and humans to be like him, to be a reflection of him. He created us to be his image bearers. God created humans to be part of his family and reflect his glory here on earth. He created us to rule over the earth with him and to depend on him to fulfill our needs. When Adam and Eve sinned by eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they made a choice. They decided not to trust in God’s wisdom and abundance.

Instead, they chose to trust in their wisdom and ability. This choice separated them and all of humanity from the full relationship we were meant to have with God.

When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to

everyone, for everyone sinned. Romans 5:12 NLT

We are all part of Adam’s family, and we inherit sin, death and destruction from him. But God chose to start a new family through Abraham and Sarah. God’s plan was to use this family to bring blessings to the rest of the world instead of curses.

At this, Abram fell face down on the ground. Then God said to him, “This is my covenant with you: I will make you the father of a multitude of nations! What’s more, I am changing your name.

It will no longer be Abram. Instead, you will be called Abraham, for you will be the father of

many nations. I will make you extremely fruitful. Your descendants will become many nations, and kings will be among them! “I will confirm my covenant with you and your descendants after you, from generation to generation. This is the everlasting covenant: I will always be your God and the God of your descendants after you. Genesis 17:3-7 NLT

In the same way, “Abraham believed God, and God counted him as righteous because of his faith.” The real children of Abraham, then, are those who put their faith in God. For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus. And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God’s promise to Abraham belongs to you.

Galatians 3:6-7 NLT

The good news is we don’t have to earn our way into this family. We are given an open

invitation. All we have to do is believe.

Most of us received our main sources of trauma, our deepest emotional wounds, from our

family, or people that call themselves family. Whether it’s our parents, siblings, extended family, adopted family, or even our church family. The people closest to us can cut us the deepest and pass on generations of bad habits and wounds. But God wants to adopt us into a new family where we can heal and leave a legacy of blessings.

Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without

fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to

himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. Ephesians 1:4-8 NLT

Don’t forget that you Gentiles used to be outsiders. You were called “uncircumcised heathens” by the Jews, who were proud of their circumcision, even though it affected only their bodies and not their hearts. In those days, you were living apart from Christ. You were excluded from citizenship among the people of Israel, and you did not know the covenant promises God had made to them. You lived in this world without God and without hope. But now you have been united with Christ Jesus. Once you were far away from God, but now you have been brought near to him through the blood of Christ. Ephesians 2:11-13 NLT

In order to appreciate what it means to be adopted into God’s family we have to understand the effect that our imperfect human families can have on us. Parents are the backbone of the family.

When we don’t get the love we need from parental figures, it can leave an emotional wound.

This can affect our self-image, our ability to utilize our gifts, how we operate in relationships, our self-worth, and the legacy we leave. Without God, our parents, guardians, and mentors will pass generations of dysfunction to us without knowing.

In order to be loved well, we need spaces where we can be filled up by attention, affection, and validation. We also need to know we won’t be rejected or abandoned for feeling or behaving less than perfect. We look up to our parental figures. Until we know how to look to God for guidance, we look to them to understand the world around us and to understand ourselves. If our parents are overly controlling, if they neglect us, abuse us, there’s a lack of proper boundaries, there’s favoritism, or they have unrealistic expectations, it can wound us. Mothers and fathers wound differently.

Moms inflict wounds when they spend their time looking for love, attention, and validation for themselves instead of their children. Because of their wounds and emptiness, they pull from the world around them, even their kids. They can abuse, neglect, abandon, be overly controlling, treat their child like a disappointment, play favorites, or even treat their child like a best friend or replacement spouse. This creates generations of insecure, needy, guarded children. They grow up not trusting relationships because they feel that the other person is going to hurt them or leave them. Or they grow up being the caretaker. Either way they have a belief that they have to protect themselves from other people. Mother wounds affect people's ability to properly relate to

others.

Sons with a mother wound feel that other people’s emotions are their responsibility. They

neglect their own feelings and needs because they were never validated. They only feel seen when they are doing things for others. They don’t know how to regulate their emotions, so they either suppress them or have emotional outbursts. They don’t believe they can share how they really feel, so they lie or withhold information because they believe honesty is met with overreactions. The only emotion they know how to express is anger. They are insecure and can turn to manipulation to get their needs met.

Daughters with a mother wound struggle with their identity and boundaries. They may be hyper-independent and prideful. They can also be extreme people pleasers who extend themselves too thin. They are exposed to adult responsibilities or activities very early so they “grow up” fast, but on the inside, they are immature. They struggle asking for help or trusting others. They are constantly comparing themselves to others or an impossible standard, and they feel they don’t measure up. They may have low self-esteem, anxiety, and/ or depression. They can become rebellious, doing things for negative attention or to defy norms or authority. They can become angry, bitter, manipulative, and controlling.

Dads show interest in things they care about. When dads don’t show interest in their children, it makes them feel like they don’t have value. Fathers can wound their children when they only pay attention to their accomplishments or failures. Children grow up thinking that they’re only worthy if they’re successful. They will only believe they have value based on what they do. They will constantly look for validation and approval. They become perfectionists. They have depression if they don’t believe they will ever measure up or they have anxiety worrying about how to maintain high performance. Failure is internalized and adds to the deep insecurity that “I’m not enough” or “I can’t do enough” or “I’m the problem”. Father wounds affect people’s ability to properly relate to themselves.

Sons with a father wound struggle with their identity. They feel like an orphan and don’t know where they belong. They may work hard crafting an identity to fit in or they may find pleasure in being an outcast. They can be lonely or needy. They reject male authority figures. They work hard at their specific job or hobby to feel worthy. They may act tough or put together to hide insecurity and pain. They have deep pride and don’t like being held accountable because correction feels like failure. They have disappointment, confusion, anger, and resentment towards their father. They look for validation in the amount of money they make or from relationships with women.

Daughters with a father wound have low self-esteem, very weak or excessive boundaries, and are self-conscious about their body. They may reject men out of disappointment, anger, or from their own rejection. There is a resistance to discipline or structure. They see femininity as weakness and may take on masculine traits to feel strong and protect themselves. They may pursue emotionally unavailable men and try to heal them. They are terrified of abandonment.

They may be attention-starved, so they engage in attention-seeking behaviors. From provocative clothing to forcing themselves in the spotlight. To them attention is love or shows they have value. Feel they will never be good enough. Can be manipulative or controlling.

Which has affected your life more, a mother wound or father wound? Which one is God working on healing?

Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close. Psalm 27:10 NLT

God is the perfect parent. He doesn’t abuse or abandon. He lacks nothing so there isn’t

anything that could distract him from loving you. There is no emptiness or insecurity or unfulfilled needs within him. Everything he does is for us. He knows when to push, when to pull, and when to withdraw. He has high standards, but he knows how to mix grace with discipline. And his discipline is for our flourishing. He knows every hurt and he knows how to heal every wound. He chooses us even when we don’t feel worthy.

I am exhausted and completely crushed. My groans come from an anguished heart. You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh. Psalm 38:8-9 NLT

O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! Psalm 139:1, 13, 15-17

Sometimes we treat God like our earthly parents. We say we believe Christianity is about

relationship but we live as if it’s about works. We try to live right to earn God’s favor. But when we feel like we don't measure up we try to avoid him instead of drawing closer. We get in God’s way by trying to earn his favor instead of just receiving it. This is why forgiveness is so important.

“Forgive the father (or mother) who hurt you so you can be healed by the Father who loves

you.” -Mark Driscoll

Adoption isn’t free. A potential parent has to pay a high price to adopt a child. When God adopts you, he shows you how much value you have because of the price he was willing to pay. He paid to bring you into the family AND he wants to include you in the inheritance.

And that’s the way it was with us before Christ came. We were like children; we were slaves to the basic spiritual principles of this world. But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.” Now you are no longer a slave but God’s own child. And since you are his child, God has made you his heir.

Galatians 4:3-7 NLT

For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. So you also are complete through

your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. When you came to Christ, you were “circumcised,” but not by a physical procedure. Christ performed a spiritual circumcision—the cutting away of your sinful nature. Colossians 2:9-11

You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross.

Colossians 2:11-15

Jesus disarms everything that wants to have power over you and he makes you whole. Jesus reminds us that our new family is not related by blood. This new family has a connection to one another because they believe in the same Lord. We all trust in God as our father that makes other believers our brothers and sisters.

Jesus asked, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he pointed to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!” Matthew 12:48-50 NLT

And this is God’s plan: Both Gentiles and Jews who believe the Good News share equally in the riches inherited by God’s children. Both are part of the same body, and both enjoy the promise of blessings because they belong to Christ Jesus. Ephesians 3:6 NLT

If unhealthy relationships and people are what led you to dysfunction, God will use healthy

relationships and people to heal you. God doesn’t just take over as our mother and father, he also gives us a spiritual family. There will be people at different times who will care for you as a mother or father, but you will also get spiritual brothers and sisters. God doesn’t promise this new life will be easy. It will be hard, but he promises that you won’t have to go through it alone.

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. Proverbs 17:17 NLT

Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 NLT

Now that we are adopted into God’s family, we have to live out the family rules. He wants us to love people the way he loved us, so they can heal. He wants us to use our gifts to love other believers and care for them. He also wants us to produce fruit by working with him to bring new people into the family.

You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you slaves, because a master

doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the

Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. This is my command:

Love each other. John 15:11-19 NLT